The Birds and The Bees
by Mclawliet
Summary: "Where do babies come from?" The little Scout asked with curiosity. It is up to Spy to explain it. Poor Frenchie...


_Oh boy, another strike of inspiration. Although for this one I had to do a bit of research…on family forums. Makes you wonder what you would do in this kind of situation. Strangely, I had this fic lying on my computer for almost two months. Why didn't I posted it before?_

_To explain the situation: Spy lives with Scout and his mother. Of course mom and Spy are in a relationship. That's the fact. It's your decision if you want to think this is AU.  
_

* * *

"Where do babies come from?"

6-year old Scout shot the question out of the blue, catching off guard both of his parents, mom and Red Spy. Luckily for all of them none of the other boys were at home – after eating lunch quickly, they thanked to mother for the meal and ran outside towards the local background, gone for the rest of the day. Now only little Scout remained at the table, with eyes big as saucers, clutching a fork and a spoon in his tiny hands as he looked at them, awaiting the answer with untypical patience. The dumbfounded pair could only nervously cast a glance at each other, as none of them mentally prepared themselves to explain the art of 'birds and bees'.

"Ye do it."

"Non, you do it. You 'ave raised seven sons already!"

"So? That doesn' mean I have ta."

Spy scowled, grumbling under his breath. Little Scout repeated after him with childish interest, mimicking the same expression from Spy's face and crossing arms over his small chest, puffing it up to make himself as big as him. Both father and son sat in silence, looking at her with expectation, although it was quite different for each of them – Spy anticipated she'll give up and sat down with the boy, while Scout was looking forward to his question finally being answered.

"Well?" Little boy whined, smacking his fists against the table as he started to lose his temper.

"Now boy, you continue to act like zhat – " Spy warned the boy, wagging his index finger at him. Suddenly mom stood up abruptly, probably uttering the first thing that came up in her mind to save herself from the embarrassing situation.

"Oh, look! We ran out of bread. I've got t'get some more!" She grabbed her handbag, not really looking into it if she actually took the purse with her, and darted towards the door.

"Non! You won't use my own tricks on -!"

"Bye bye, sweetie pie ~ !" She sung from the corridor, wiggling with her fingers sweetly as she winked charmingly at her husband. "Ye'll do jest fine!" Slamming the door behind her, the sound of high heels hitting the concrete, she disappeared out of sight to the nearest store.

"Merde!" Staring blankly at the door, Spy picked up the box of cigarettes and placed one of them onto his dry lips. He reached for lighter – instead he flinched terribly as he took notice of little Scout, who now stood in front of him nursing his favorite bat in palms. Eyes were still big, unmoving as curiosity engulfed the dark pupils.

"Well? How are babies made?" He repeated himself with huge grin on his face.

Oh god, how could he explain that to him? He knew how to flirt, speak sweet nothings to women, seducing and wrapping them around his finger, but this? No, certainly not his field.

"Well, you see." He stated uneasily, gulping down a lump in his throat. "When a girl and a boy love each ozher very much…zhey like to hold hands, hug, kiss - " To which young boy 'ewwwwed' in disgust, sticking out his tongue as he couldn't comprehend why people would want to get infected with cooties. He heard about it from another friend at school – if you kiss a girl you get cooties all over you! Like _chickenpox_! It made the Frenchman to snicker gently as he shuddered. "And eventually, as zheir love grows, zhey also sleep togezher."

"Like you and mommy?"

"Oui, like zhat."

The boy seemed to be thinking over something.

"So, when you sleep together, babies are made?"

"Oui, in some way."

"And when I crawl into your bed babies are still made? How?" He asked, sincerely intrigued as he leaned closer to dad.

"Ah, non non!" Spy shook his hands in dismissing motion, the ash from cigarette falling onto the floor as he tilted his head slightly, thinking over how to explain everything to the boy - while not exposing too many details. "Mommy and I 'ave very special cuddles, zhat only moms and dads can do."

"So my hugs from mom aren't...special?" Scout slouched in sadness as he looked at the floor.

"Zhey are, but in a different way. All 'ugs are very special." That seemed to cheer the boy up, and he waved with his arms, wanting to be lifted up to sit in dad's lap as he fidgeted with eagerness. Spy chuckled at his impatience and lowered his still lit cigarette to extinguish it, pushing the flaming tip against ashtray's surface. Lifting his son up, he placed him on his left leg, making him to face him.

"So…what kind of hugs are they?"

"Well…in our cuddles, our private parts touch." Scout looked confused, raising his eyebrows in wonderment. "Let me put it zhis way…my 'willie' and mom's 'fanny' touch in zhose."

"You mean." Scout said as it slowly dawned on him, a look of horror on his face at the revelation. "She doesn't have a willie?"

Wait, _what_?

Spy was most surprised. Has this child never played 'doctors' with other kids before?

"Mon petit, where did you get an idea of mommy 'aving a willie?"

"Well, I have it, my brothers have it, YOU have it – so mom has to have one too!"

"Oh, non!" He had to stifle his laughter. "You see, you're a boy, your brozhers are boys, and I'm a boy. Mom's a girl, she doesn't 'ave it – our bodies are built differently."

"Yeah, but why?"

"Well, because we do different zhings, for example – you and your friends play with cars and trucks, and girls play with dolls and barbies. Daddies like cars and mommies like dresses. You understand?" The boy nodded, seemingly satisfied with the simple answer.

"So...your willie and mom's…fanny touch?"

"Oui."

"And then the stork comes and brings the baby?"

"Well, if stork brings zhe baby, 'ow does it end up in mom's belly?"

"It comes from there?" The young Scout was as perplexed as ever.

Spy couldn't help to groan in frustration. "Why do you think zhere are ladies with big tummies? Our neighbor is pregnant, didn't you see 'er belly?"

"I just thought she was eatin' a lot and became fat. She always says she eats for two." Scout replied with innocence, his unwavering interest remaining otherwise. Nothing seemed to discourage him to stop asking questions.

"What 'ave you been taught in school?" Spy mumbled to himself, but he heard him.

"Lots of things! He chirped with pride. "I know how to count to five, how to spell cat – K. E. T., see, see? An' - an' - an' - I know where America is and what means "to warble"."

"You just 'ave to be zhe curious child. You know zhey say curiosity killed a cat." He said sarcastically and just had to roll his eyes.

"But I'm not a cat." The little boy replied smartly.

"No, zhat you're certainly not." Spy chuckled and unconsciously started to jerk his left leg, making the little boy giggle out of surprise as he was tossed around, much like as if he was riding a horse in Wild West.

"Look. Listen well, Oui?" Spy finally got his attention again, the sniggering subduing. "I won't repeat myself."

"Sure thing, old man." Scout replied, earning himself a light smack around his head. Spy 'tsked' out from annoyance. He wasn't old, he was in his prime!

"Your Mommy and I 'ave 'ugs, in which little babies are made. And zhe baby stays in 'er belly for nine months, just like in zhe neighbor's, because it is yet too small and vulnerable to live with us. When zhe baby is finally big enough, it comes out. And zhen you get a baby brozher or a baby sister, oui?" He said and little boy seemed to have his curiosity sated at last. "Now go out and join your brozhers. I 'ave to relax."

Little Scout didn't have to ask twice. He bolted through door as soon as Spy uttered those words, laughing out of joy on his way out.

The boy was supposed to be grounded for smashing neighbor's windows.

It seems mom forgot to tell this fact to dad.

* * *

"I'm so, so sorry, darlin'. I-I shouldn't have done that. I've brought ye a pack of cigarettes as an apology, if it counts." Scout's mom whispered to her sweetheart, still slightly embarrassed from the fact she vanished in a second and leaving him to perform the conversation of 'birds and bees'.

"Oh, ma cherie! You always know 'ow to make way to my 'eart." He snickered and pulled her closer, leaving his hands to rest comfortably around her waist. His lips found its way onto her neck, unshaved skin coming into contact with hers which made her giggle terribly out from the sensation.

"Where is ma boy?" She asked, smiling. "He was supposed ta be grounded."

"…He was?" Spy felt stupid.

The smile slipped down from her face. "I forgot ta tell you, didn' I?" She frowned.

"Oui, I believe you forgot to mention zhat. Oh, well, at least we 'ave time for…_ourselves_." He replied, suggestion hanging in the air.

"Darlin', ye know we can't do that –" His lips traveled to her ear, making her moan silently. "– what if one of t'boys come back?"

"Oh, _ma petite chou-fleur_, we'll worry about zhat _later_."

They both knew it such times were rare, when the house was completely empty. None of them wanted to miss the opportunity.

"Oh, you _handsome rogue_, ye know I can't resist such temptation."

"Zhen don't." Those were the last words before he lifted her up and carried her in bridal style towards their vacant bedroom. They felt like teenagers again as they rolled around in the sheets.

* * *

_Ain't that just sweet?_


End file.
